can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
