Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
