I'm laying in your front yard are you home
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
