Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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