Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
