where am i from again
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
