I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you made out with another girl for some wings
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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