He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
