bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
