im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
