I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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