you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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