i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
