cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
