I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
