i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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