I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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