turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
