im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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