kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
