I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
