Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's never too late to be topless.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
