i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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