His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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