My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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