yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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