i need an iv and a liver transplant
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
