she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I queefed so loud it echoed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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