we have pet lesbian snakes
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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