Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
