this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
