New low: just hacked my moms facebook
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
