i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
