I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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