i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
