her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
