i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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