I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
