Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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