Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
