If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
