my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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