i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
