I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
