she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
