Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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