Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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