No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
