Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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