I puked a lego.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
