Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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